Being the one to initiate sex is easy for some and hard for others. It’s almost like asking someone out for the first time or saying “I love you” for the first time. It requires putting yourself out there and risking embarrassment or, worse, flat-out refusal. The problem with initiating sex often takes place during the early days of one’s marriage. Other times, initiating sex is a problem when you and your partner are having problems or your marriage is still in the recovery stage. But sex is an integral aspect of every marriage. One or the other has to do it and if you want to take your marriage’s success in your hands then good for you! Here are a number of excellent tips to help you achieve your worthy goal.

Step 1. It has to be something you really want.

Initiating sex will only backfire if it’s not something you completely want and are ready for. Even if you are good at faking sex, you have to remember that faking is not and never will be the answer. Marriage sex has to be mutually pleasurable and one that both partners want and perceive in the same way.

If you are not yet ready to have sex with your partner and you are only planning to do so because it’s the quickest way to solve problems or eliminate any awkwardness in your relationship then your solution is wrong. What you need is time. You shouldn’t hurry yourself. You should let things heal naturally and not force things to happen.

Step 2. Timing is important.

Before worrying about the sexual aspects of what you’re about to do, you have to consider the non-sexual aspects first.

Of the utmost importance is the timing. Whether the problem with initiating sex is internal or external, you need to do away with whatever that could cause your problems or cause them to worsen. If you are extremely shy about having sex, for instance, and you’re living with other people at home then you need to choose a setting that will be extremely private and as such won’t cause your inhibitions to flare up and make you feel more self-conscious.

But it’s all not about you. Remember that. You have to consider the timing for your partner as well. If he’s having a bad day then no matter how much preparation you’ve made, it’s still possible that things won’t work out. That’s why surprises are very, very risky. Surprises are like high risk gambles: you win or lose everything.

If you want to minimize risk and maximum your chances of success then you need to plan sex the way a military general would a battle. You have to be meticulous and methodical. You need to consider all alternatives and choose the alternative that will cost you the least. If you have to wait then so be it. That’s better than going through with a half-baked plan.

Step 3. Set the scene like you’re about to shoot a movie.

Setting is crucial. In an ideal world, wonderful sex would make the world go round. But in reality, having the right setting would help and especially when your marriage is already on the rocks. You do not, however, have to spend your entire life savings just to achieve the right mood for sex. You don’t even need to remodel your bedroom. A few nice touches would do the trick. You just have to be smart about it. Having a bit of creativity and resourcefulness would also help.

For the right setting, you need to consider all senses: sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch. For the sight, sprucing up your bedroom or wherever the location of your “big plan” is would be the start. Remember: simplicity is best, less is more, and all that.

With hearing, playing music is always a good idea. Obviously, it has to be something nice and slow. Sensual and seductive is even better. But sometimes, even just the sounds of nature are enough. If you’ve booked a weekend trip for both of you, perhaps just the sound of waves crashing against the shores outside your hotel room would do.

For the sense of smell, aromatherapy would do the trick. If you have the time, research about the different reactions that certain smells could produce. You should also consider essential oils, which are not just fragrant but also excellent to use for a relaxing and sensual massage.

Next we move on to taste. The usual combinations would always work like chocolate, whipped cream, strawberries, and champagne. But of course, it all depends on a person’s palate. You know your partner best. What do you think would your partner prefer to dine on besides you?

Finally, we have touch. Foreplay doesn’t have to start in the bedroom or with sex. It can start the moment you decide you want it to, from teasing glances you send under your lashes. These looks can be powerful and tangible and make your partner respond even without you touching him or her. Give your partner small, tender touches that will deliver the message across: you want to have sex.

Step 4. Go all out.

At the moment, it may seem that initiating sex is the biggest gamble of your life. If it is then you should treat it as such. Be your most provocative self starting with your clothes. Dress to please your partner not just outside but inside the bedroom. Every wife needs a sexy set of lingerie in her closet.

With the right clothes, you’ll have extra confidence to approach your husband. Do so without hesitation. Let your touch speak for yourself. And you will be rewarded with your partner’s unequivocally passionate response. Once you have the reaction you want, that should be the boost of confidence you need in order to say the actual words. After all, actions may speak louder than words, but hearing the words is also nice once in a while, don’t you think? So go ahead and say it. You want to have sex.

And your partner will be glad to assist you!