There comes a point in your marriage that the future which had once been so incredibly vivid is now vague and shaky. You just don’t know where your marriage is heading anymore. But there’s no one you feel right confiding to. If you want to determine the state of your marriage right now and be in the position to fix it, here are five important questions you should ask yourself.

Instructions:

Take as much time as you need when reflecting on a question. There is no right or wrong answer so it’s critical that you give your honest opinion. After all, this questionnaire is just between the Internet and yourself. No one else has to know about what the test reveals until you’re comfortable with your newfound knowledge.

Also, each question may be answered with a rating of 1 to 5, one being the lowest and five being the greatest.

HAPPINESS

Question 1: Are you happy with your marriage?

There are many ways to define happiness, but we won’t list them all down. What matters is how you define your own happiness and, consequently, your happiness with your marriage. The world may perceive happiness differently from yours, but the world isn’t the other partner in your marriage. The world isn’t married to your partner. It’s all about you.

If you have a hard time answering this question – or any other subsequent ones for that matter – consider asking the reverse. That might give you a better perspective. In this case, ask yourself this question: Would you be happier if you weren’t married?

Question 1A: How important is it to you to make your partner happy?

Question 1B: Do you feel it’s important to your partner to make you happy?

TIME

Question 2: How much quality time do you spend with your spouse?

Time is another broadly defined word. But when it comes to marriage, one definition stands out from the rest. Time is love and vice versa. If you love your partner then one of the best ways to show it is by spending quality time with your partner as well as doing what you can to further strengthen and deepen your relationship.

Quantity matters, too, of course. There has to be a balance. What works for others might not work for both of you so the quantity and quality of time needed to keep your marriage alive will depend on your needs from each other.

Question 2A: How would your marriage rate in terms of priority?

Question 2B: How willing are you to make the necessary changes to devote sufficient time to your marriage?

GOALS

Question 3: How much of your marriage, relationship, and family goals have you achieved?

Goals are always present. Sometimes, they are synonymous to challenges, other times they symbolize expectations. But in every case, goals reflect the things you want and need and when they aren’t met, trouble often happens.

When you married your spouse, what were your goals for your marriage? What were you expectations from each other? Now, step back and take a good look at your life and marriage. Have these goals been achieved?

Of course, this is not to say your marriage is heading to divorce courts if you can’t honestly answer this with the highest rating. It could be that you’re newlyweds so obviously, you haven’t had enough time yet to work on those goals, which brings us to our next question…

Question 3A: Are you making good time in realizing your goals?

Whether you’ve been married for just a month or you’re about to celebrate your tenth year together, you’ll still be in the position to answer this question.

THIRD PARTIES

Question 4: How often do you contemplate having an affair?

Take note that the operative word here is ‘contemplate’. You’re not being asked if you have an affair or not. Chances are, if you’re taking this questionnaire seriously then you haven’t had an affair yet or you had one, but it’s completely over. It’s different, however, for those who have present affairs – they already know where their marriage is heading so answering this question is moot.

Third parties are a huge problem in marriages because most people feel so strongly about it. There are many situations in which the involvement of a third party is understandable, albeit inexcusable, but logic will rarely matter when you are feeling horribly betrayed.

The worst thing about third parties is that its merest potential, just the very threat of it can ruin the longest and strongest of marriages. And in most cases, such affairs started out as a simple, harmless idea.

So be honest. Have you ever contemplated having an affair or taking flirtations with another person outside your marriage seriously? If it’s a yes, how often do these thoughts stray your mind?

Question 4A: What are the chances that you’ll act on it?

Question 4B: Do you believe it’s possible your partner is having or could have an affair with someone else?

How to Evaluate Your Results

There are two ways to evaluate your results. First, you consider this in an entirely logical manner. Results that score with an average of 3 and above are fairly good, which means your marriage is heading on the right track. Sure, there’ll always be ups and downs, but you and your partner have the kind of relationship that won’t break down so easily. Conversely, anything below an average of 3 means your marriage is heading for trouble…but this is when the second way for evaluation kicks in.

Look inside your heart. Even if your marriage may seem in trouble, do you think there’s no hope anymore to fix it? If you really want your marriage to work then you and your partner have to help each other. Be proactive and fix the problems before your marriage fails completely. In the end, the results are just numerical possibilities…they can still change given a different set of factors. But it’s all up to you and your partner to get rid of old factors…to make way for new marriage dynamics.