Do you find yourself in a rut in your marriage? Have the days of daily or even weekly sex passed you by without you even noticing it was occurring? If so you are not alone and you are not the only one who may find themselves confused as to when, how and why this happened.
Don't Get Personal
Try not to see this lull in your sex life as something personal about yourself. Your husband or wife doesn't have to have fallen out of love with you because the bedroom hasn't had as many visits. Sometimes it can be just as easy as being exhausted from work or taking care of the family. However, there may indeed be other issues that have cost your relationship its intimacy. These things need to be addressed but not harped about, that is one guaranteed way alienate your partner further.
Don't Have a Pity Party
Don't automatically get down on yourself or allow it to depress you. This is also another way that is sure fire to not be helpful to your situation. It is entirely up to you and your partner as a couple to fix this issue, falling into a 'poor me' attitude will likely do nothing to spice up your sex life or improve your relationship.
Instead of focusing inwardly take some of this time to observe your partner and ask some questions that may be important for you to find the answers to. On a regular basis an individual takes criticism from co-workers or other family members, so it would be a great injustice to fly off the handle about a minor criticism in your marriage that may be keeping the two of you apart when it comes time for intimacy.
No Blame
It's very important not to try to assign blame, to your partner or yourself. Blame offers no solutions to a serious problem. Wasting time handing it out will only draw you further apart. Try to figure out where the problem began. Have you had less time for sex since the baby was born? Did you fall into the old pattern of comfort where a bit more sleep has become more important than the intimacy you once shared?
All of those questions involve aspects of a relationship that are a two way street. One person blaming the other is useless. Your relationship did not get this way because one person was too tired while the other aggressively sought sex most likely. It is common for married couples to fall into this pattern, and if this goes on for too long, your relationship may be doomed to suffering from feelings of distance such as feeling more like a friend or a roommate to your spouse.
Looking Into the Past
Although it may bring up some painful feelings looking into the past can be the best way to protect yourself from reaching this point again in the future. There may be deeper issues that are driving a wedge into your relationship on more than a sexual level. In some of these cases if a couple has not learned great communication skills they may need the help of an outside source such as a marriage counselor help resolve these types of problems.
Look Forward
Once you have determined where the source of some distance may have originated from in your marriage you should then focus on moving forward and beyond those issues for the health and life of the relationship in the long term.
Often once a long married couple has come to terms with an aspect of their marriage this can indeed induce a second honeymoon period if they truly have a great love and need to remain with each other indefinitely. Everything isn't always that easy, so also be prepared for a time where you both may need to be a bit more gentle and understanding than usual, but you can get past it by remaining so.
Regardless of what it may take to help your sexless marriage most people do find that it is often worth the effort for many reasons. A marriage or partnership is a job and one that at times can be expected to be at least as stressful as your day job, however you have not promised to love and cherish your employer until death do you part. So if you find yourself unable to put in at least the same effort you would to keep your employment, than perhaps it may be time to reconsider the relationship entirely.
